I can say I have thrown myself in front of a bus for my child.
Because I did. Got it out of the way already!! And, it's been, like, only 6 years into the game! Done it! Bagged it, mark me as complete.
It was the first day of Kindergarten, or is it garden? Whatever, but it was, for the boy, well, his first official day, of kindergart/den, because he did "super"kindergarden the year before, and this was bus time. Real school. Tax dollar supported.
It (the bus issue) got off to a rocky start, as I didn't even get his bus assignment until 6:45 the night before, but, I'm nothing, if not faithful, in my fellow man, so I went with it...
It was a half day that day, for some reason, they have to eassssse into school, so it was a half day.
I already had the girl, she goes to a different school for various reasons, just to make it easy on us parents, really. So we set out on the wait, at the end of the driveway, waiting for the boy. I'm experienced. I know that there are kinks. I know when they say "11:40 drop off time" especially on the first day of school, that that could mean...11:50...maybe even, say...noon.
I got the boy at 1:15. School let out at 11:20. Here's what transpired between when they let my only son out of the doors of his school, until the time I jumped in front of his bus...
I sat. Zack and I sat. Daughter and Zack and I sat. Daughter and Zack walked back to the house. Zack came back, licked my ear, sat down. Daughter came back..brought me the phone I asked for, I needed 2 phones, just in case..
I called the school at noon.
Me: (in a weird high voice) "Uh yeah, Hi...like, I know it's the first day and all, but I was just wondering if my son got on the bus alright??"
(I give his name, try to act all cool, and not nervous, like I'm not trying to poop my pants, at all)
Them: "oh yes, he got on the bus...you know..it's just the first day, new route for the driver, she has the biggest route...just give them a little time!!"
Me: (again, with the voice, only this time, with a quiver.) "oh yeah!! sure!! right!! I just wanted to make sure, you know, he's little and what not...bwah bwah bwah"
And he's still on it.
And I'm reasonable...I'm like...it's going the opposite direction...ya know, self?? They have to turn around, so he's dropped off curbside?? Safety FIRST??? right Zack?? Zack is snoring...Zack is deaf....never even heard the bus go by.
But Daughter did....and she's like, screaming..."WE HAVE TO GET IN THE CAR AND CHASE THAT BUS MOMMY!! Like, NOW!"
But I refuse to let panic invade ALL of my bowels....which are threatening to let loose at any moment..
I let 6 minutes go by before I call the school again..
Me : ( I sound like I'm sucking helium at this point) "Hi, me again....the bus?? It drove by my house? It hasn't come back...?"
Them : "Ok, sureeee..let's try to raise them on the radio, hang on a sec..."
So, this is where it starts to get all blurry...and time and space warps, and melds into a big fuzzy purple haze..yet it didn't feel good. I wanted OFF.
So...ok. I'm told that they can't "raise her on her radio" There may be a "problem". "with her radio" And I'm like, thinking "do I just call the po po? myself?"
I'm on hold, for 20 minutes.
Daughter is WIGGING.
I'm just trying to hold the poop in.
Finally, around One-ish, they say, "maybe you should just call Dispatch"
Which, all I really kind of hear is "your baby boy is lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost"
But the Obdulla Moondogalla part of my brain heard "maybe you should just call Dispatch"
So, I did.
I talked to this lady, and all she said.
Lady : "This about Bus 14?"
Me : mwaaaahhhhh.....my boy.....mwaaaahhhhhh........
Daughter slaps me across the face, and I pull it instantly together, because, I mean, really. Really.
Me : Uh, yeah. Seriously. Where's the bus? It's driven by, it's been almost 2 hours. What the??
Them : "We can't raise her on the radio. We have one of our officers out looking for her. We have about 30 other parents calling in looking for the bus too..."
They have the POLICE LOOKING FOR THE RUNAWAY BUS WITH MY BOY ON IT ARE YOU KIDDING ME DOES ANYONE KNOW THIS??
Instantly, my head whips to the sky to search for any helicopters...surely there's copters in on the search? But they just aren't in the area yet....or maybe they are on stealth-mode..because I can't see them... or hear them, but I'm sure they are there...
So I tell them I had seen the bus. That got their attention, buddy....I think I'm patched through to def-con Eagle Alpha Beta Beta.
Them : "Which way was it last heading?? How many kids were on the bus??"
Then get this...here comes the bus. Again, from the wrong direction..
Me: "I SEE THE BUS!!!!"
THEM : "STOP IT!!!"
ME : "OK!!"
If I had ninja stars, I'd have used them as stop-sticks, but since I didn't, I jumped out in the middle of the street, madly waving my arms, because, the woman was NOT going to stop again!
But she did!! She DID!! I was all like...
Me: "You got a problem with your radio??"
Her : "yeah"
Me: "They got cops out looking for you!!"
Her : "Huh....say...you know where Ivy Knolls is??"
Me: "I need my boy..................my boy..he's 6, only a boy. Just a little boy. Just give him to me."
(ok, I just gave her his name, and he walked off)
And out he came....just fine. The first words were, "Wow, that was a long bus ride"
I was so composed....he never saw me upset...never saw me flinch. Never noticed the fact that I had a fresh load in my pants (sorry to be crude, but really)
I never saw the bus again. I saw it heading west, with a full load of kindergart/dners. I alerted the authorities.
I pray for those little kids...I do. I couldn't save them all. I tried. Lord knows I tried.