Thursday, April 9, 2009

"I Saw A Mouse" Is Not Code For Anything.



Just in case you're interested, if you ever receive a text from your spouse saying "I saw a mouse last night", it is NOT code for anything interesting, like I thought it was. We recently got texting phones, and Husband likes to send the default texts to me like "Sorry I missed your call, I was in a meeting, what's up?" sort of thing, when, I had never even called, and he'd been to no meeting..but, we get chuckles out of that sort of thing, so anyhoo..


Anyhoo..


So, when I received this text "I saw a mouse last night", I assumed it meant, ya know, he'd had a fantastic poop, or Hell, I don't know really, but, I certainly did not take it to mean that he ACTUALLY saw a mouse in our home.


No. I did not.


So, I called him back, and said..


Me: So..ha ha what's this "saw a mouse" thing all about? ha ha.. (like, "you rascal!") What's that code for??


Husband : It's not code for anything..I saw a mouse in our bathroom.


Me :


Husband : Hello?


Me :


Husband : I was sitting in the chair watching TV and it stuck it's little head out and then went back into the bathroom.


Me :




At this point, I'm just trying to keep my field of view open, as it's getting real narrow and fuzzy for some reason, and...why am I so sweaty all the sudden?? Did someone open a window? I feel cold...so..cold..




Because, this bathroom, where the Black Death carrying rodent is taking up residence, is the bathroom leading into the bedroom where I had been sleeping.




So then Husband starts going on about Def-Con or some weird mouse killing agents and traps, and I have all these images playing out in my head, and NOT a ONE of them are good.


We hang up the phone and I get on with my day at work..where I encounter a co-worker who has dealt with mouse traps a-plenty.


I'll spare you the details, but all of them result in a carcass.


Here's a thing about me.


I don't deal in dead things.


Here's another thing about me.


In my line of work, I can, and I have, had my arm up to the elbow, inside someone's abdomen while retracting for surgery. And that's just a sliver of what I'm capable of doing on the icky spectrum. But, dead things? I don't do.


So, after hearing about these traps, I immediately called Husband..


Me : We have to get the humane traps, because I don't want any dead mouse carcasses in the house.


Husband : Yeah, ok sure.




Wait. What? It was almost like he was expecting that one from me. I'm just that weird, I suppose, poor guy.


He didn't even try the whole "Babe, seriously, just DEAL". Because he just KNEW.


The man knows.




Soooo...I come home from work. We discuss going out later to get these traps. Meanwhile, I'm eyeballing the cats, saying things like, "Guys? Seriously? You gonna be so cliche like that on me? Be the typical house cats that DON'T get the mouse?"


LAME!


But, our little talk does nothing because, well, shit, they're cats and they can't understand me.




Ok...so buckle up, because get this..


I'm vacuuming. And....


ewwww...hoooo.....


We have this Oriental rug, and things get visually lost on it quite easily. Ok? Ok, picture this.


Husband is in the other room. I'm vacuuming. Daughter is in chair next to me watching TV.




I COME WITH IN 1.5 INCHES OF SUCKING UP THE DEAD MOUSE IN MY VACUUM.




It's just lying there, all curled. And dead. dead dead dead dead.


So, I can't just freak and alert the children, because I just can't deal with the questions.


So,the vacuum gets shut off, and I very calmly call for husband.


Husband walks in, and I don't even look down, but I point. He gets it..He sees it, he very calmly walks away and gets a paper towel and DEALS.


Daughter is all..


Her : What are you doing? Why did you just stop all the sudden? Why did you just call Daddy?


Me : huh?? ha ha?? Oh...I just forgot to ask you who you sat with at lunch today?


Her : What?




Ok, so the mouse is gone...the mouse is gone..the kitties!!! NOT cliches!! I'm proud, so proud, and impressed.


Thank God we found it...Husband and I started laughing at dinner about the potential tragedies avoided had we not found it in time...


Scenarios like...a kid laying down on the floor, watching the tube..relaxing, and then standing up and walking by one of us with a dead mouse dangling from the back of their hair..


You know, weird shit like that..




Still, I'm not convinced it's over..not 5 minutes later I saw another one run into the garage from outside. It's ON. Bring it Micessss.


As for now, I am not walking barefoot in my house, and I keep getting the image of the lady in Tom and Jerry who jumps on the chair and lifts her apron up and starts wailing..


Cause I GET it now... I totally get it..




1 comment:

raggedtiger said...

This is one of my favorites :)